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My review on Teeth. [Has spoilers.] - The world of Eszter is swell and well...

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January 20th, 2008

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08:03 pm - My review on Teeth. [Has spoilers.]
Well, let me just start by saying that every horny boy needs to see this.
They will definitely think twice about doing. Three times about forcing it.
So the protagonist, Dawn, is your typical brain-washed, abstinence-pushing, "stay pure till marriage comes" kind of gal.
She's not hot.
She's not ugly either.
Her family is very dysfunctional. He has a semi-normal father, an ill mother, and a brother, who scares her, annoys her and most of all, wants to screw her.
[Incest, anyone?]
And there's the guy of her dreams [literally, dreaming of their wedding actually turns her on] who she's attracted to, obviously but does not want have sex with.
However, he doesn't care and forces her to spread those legs at the best place to rape people: a waterfall, where no one can hear you scream. :D
As he's penetrating her, the teeth come out, and bite his little man.
And then we hear 3 minutes of screaming, see some blood, and eventually the penis, which was being eaten by a crab later on...gives a new meaning to having crabs, doesn't it? xD
So, the confused Dawn decides to look up on myths, because right away, she somehow magically knew it had to be a myth, and not some deformation, weird biting cancer, etc.
She hears about vagina dentata. *dum dum dum*
Dawn decides to go see a gynecologist.
I loved this part.
The doctor was way too perky like "Hey, I'll get to stretch another vagina out today!" and said cheesy stuff like "There's no judgment in this room, Dawn."
Eventually, he's four fingers get chopped off, and Dawn runs out as he's calling for security.
Victim # 3, some dude who lives in garage is "the lucky one".
Or, as they called it, "the hero".
She confides in him and tells him about the dangerous vagina dentata.
He gets smart and gives her pills, probably muscle relaxants and ands up actually doing her.
Multiple times.
However, Dawn gets angry and the teeth do their job once again when she finds out the guy was just doing it for a bet, to see if he could screw the virgin.
I loved how casually she said "shit" when it happened again, like "Oh, lookie, the teeth in my vagina got you."
Either way, so far, every guy deserved to be castrated, and well..the gynecologist just had bad luck, I suppose.
After this, stuff happens, and eventually Dawn's mother dies.
Dawn's brothers crack whore girlfriend mentions that the mother was actually calling out and she didn't just silently die, but Dawn's brother said not to bother. And Dawn knows the perfect revenge for his brother.
She puts on some make up, a nice white dress and starts to screw him.
As he's penetrating him, the same thing happens, and the his pee-pee falls on the floor. And his dog eats it.
Dawn goes somewhere, in car with a horny old guy.
And all she does is look at him [and us] with that new evil look, which shows us that her new "goal" is to just let the teeth do their job with ever guy that messes with her.
I think we should all have a button on us that we can push when guys try to be jerks.
Rapings would probably happen much less.
I think it was an okay movie, for a "horror" movie, I laughed too much however.
But it was definitely worth it, all the cheesy lines, and awkward moment.
And of course, the bitten off, bloody penises.
If you like to see guys get what they deserve, this is the movie for you. :D
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful

(6 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:January 21st, 2008 03:03 am (UTC)
i read somewhere that it was supposed to be a horror/comedy

but yea its sounds twisted , in a good way
[User Picture]
Date:January 21st, 2008 03:13 am (UTC)
It's a horredy [horror + comedy].
[User Picture]
Date:February 6th, 2008 10:05 pm (UTC)
Hmm, so if you want revenge on someone, just have sex with them? I like that approach.
[User Picture]
Date:February 7th, 2008 12:52 am (UTC)
Lol, some people are sadistic like that.
Anyway, I don't think there are any women with actually toothed vaginas.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:December 18th, 2010 05:15 am (UTC)
(Replies frozen)(Parent) (Thread)
Date:April 13th, 2011 12:55 am (UTC)
Your site article is very intersting as well as fanstic,at the same time your blog theme is exclusive and ideal,great job.To your success.

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